To Sir, With Love

My sponsor passed away this week. He was 61, and was diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer several months ago. I'm glad he did not have to suffer too long with his illness. I will miss him.

When I first started on my journey to sobriety, I went to many meetings around town. I listened and learned from others who had managed to free themselves from a life of alcohol. I was amazed that these people had lived soberly each day for years. Hell, I was amazed when I saw a guy pick up a thirty-day chip at my first meeting.

I was uncomfortable trying different meetings, but I did it anyway because it was strongly suggested by people who knew more than I did about life. That's how I found my sponsor. While most folks in town were still in bed, or padding around their homes in robes & slippers, I went to the earliest meeting in town at 6:45. I wasn't being virtuous; I was scared. My alcohol abuse knew no difference between 5a.m. and 5p.m. toward the end of my drinking days.

I liked what the man who would become my sponsor had to say. He spoke quietly, and talked about how he used to be, and what his life was like now. There was never a false note. He didn't seem to be shoveling out a pile of shit to make himself sound good. If he had something to say, he said it; and if he didn't, he listened. He appeared to be calm, serene, and genuinely happy with life. I wanted what he had.

I was thrilled when he agreed to sponsor me, and we started to work right away on the steps to recovery. He helped me get my life back on track. When a situation had me ready to pull my hair out, he would look at me with his calm, blue eyes and say "Bill, why are you letting that mess with your serenity?" or "What part have you played in the situation?" He had a gentle way of turning my pointing finger back at myself.

When he shared his experience, strength, and hope in meetings, people were eager to listen. He was a gentleman, and after he had his brief say, he would always conclude with "I'm glad you are all here this morning. Thanks for letting me share."

Tonight, after I close the office, I will pay my respects to him at a funeral home across town. Tomorrow I will attend a lakeside memorial service in the country. My sadness will ease as time passes, but my gratitude for having this remarkable man in my life will never waver.