Thank You For Sharing

I popped in on Daave's blog this morning, and noticed a post from yesterday. He invited others to join in if they like, and this seems like the perfect way to avoid laundry & housework, so here goes...

1. Where is your cell phone? uh-oh...not in its usual spot. Where in the hell have I left it this time???

2. Your significant other? My guess would be either shopping at the T.J. Maxx in the Mall of Eternity, or potting plants on God's patio.

3. Your hair? There's quite a bit of it, and it's currently about an inch long. No more Beethoven Hair.

4. Your mother? I'm pretty sure she's housecleaning the Universe right now.

5. Your father? He's probably puttering around in God's backyard shed, rearranging things so that not even God can find them ever, ever again.

6. Your favorite thing? A fun-filled, exhilarating, and sometimes madcap relationship with my Higher Power

7. Your dream last night? Strange you should ask. I dreamt I was in a rickety wooden shack, sweeping things out with a broom. Without realizing it, I obviously disturbed a nest of baby spiders. In the dream, I knew they were baby spiders but they were black with yellow-green spots on their backs, and about the size of half-dollars. They were crawling up my hands & arms, and I kept trying to brush them off, but there were more & more of them the more I brushed them away. I finally got them off of me. Some of them bit me, but it was more of an annoyance than a danger. Not coincidentally, I talked with someone last night about the pain she was going through after her 4th & 5th steps (personal inventory and discussing the character defects with another person). I told her that the way she was feeling was normal, and that it would pass. She told me later that she felt better. We usually do after we discuss our feelings and fears with someone else we trust.

8. Your favorite drink? Coffee, with half-and-half.

9. Your dream/goal? To help others (which helps me, paradoxically). A 1960 Chrysler Imperial (with free mechanic and endless spare parts) would be nice, too.

10. The room you’re in? A room with a view.

11. Your fear? Failing to take good actions which lead to humility. And running out of half-and-half.

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? I don't think that far ahead. It's more fun to focus on where I am right now, and know that my needs will be fulfilled as they arise.

13. Where were you last night? At a great private dinner event with about 120 other people. My friend Constance was the chef, and the food was splendid.

14. What you’re not? Hopeless.

15. Muffins? Sure, what you got? I can make blueberry-bran muffins if you like. I have the ingredients right here.

16. One of your wish list items? A magical nose just like Samantha Stevens. I have high hopes of getting one of these quite soon.

17. Where you grew up? Virginia Beach. That's in Virginia, and there's a beach.

18. The last thing you did? Question 17.

19. What are you wearing? A yellow polo shirt and purple sweatpants.

20. Your TV? So old and small I'm surprised it doesn't have a round screen.

21. Your pet? Um, are you asking? You want to be my pet? Okay, as long as you don't eat me out of house & home.

22. Your computer? Toshiba Satellite, and it hasn't blasted off into space yet.

23. Your life? It's the only one I have. I try to make the most of it.

24. Your mood? Contented.

25. Missing someone? Not particularly. If I'm supposed to encounter someone, I usually do.

26. Your car? Very much like me. Once sleek and handsome; now old and idiosyncratic, but fairly reliable.

27. Something you’re not wearing? Socks. I'm also not wearing a fascinator.

28. Favorite store? Book stores, and really junky & cluttered antique shops.

29. Summer? Not at the moment anywhere on this hemisphere. A man in a suit just predicted snow later today. This means everyone will rush pell-mell to buy ingredients for French Toast.

30. Favorite color? It varies.

31. Why did you laugh last? Seeing a big fella seated at the next table last night whose butt crack was hanging out. It kept me from going through the buffet line a second time.

32. Why did you cry last? Hearing someone tell their personal story.

33. Who will repost this? You, perhaps?

34. A place I go over and over: My sick & twisted head. I claw my way out as soon as I realize where I've wandered, especially if I forgot to take flares.

35. Someone who emails me: Scott!

36. Place I would rather be right now: I'm okay right here at the moment, but I know I can't stay where I am for long.

Never Argue with a Drunk Person

Yesterday morning I put on my Good Deed Hat, hopped on my unicycle*, and went to our local AA Intergroup office. Nancy, the lone office employee, had a pre-paid vacation that she would lose if she couldn't get the time off, and she ran into an unexpected snag. The two people who normally fill in for Nancy were not available; one had recent surgery, and the other is out of the state. Nancy works like a dog, and I hated the thought of her missing her vacation and losing that money, so I volunteered along with others to help her out.


The Intergroup office is in a blocky old building that was built, I'd guess, in the late 1950's. It's all right-angles and long hallways. The only curved parts of the building that I've discovered are the toilet seats, and they are concealed from view by right-angled Sany-Metal partitions. As I was telling Scott, everytime I walk down the hall to the Intergroup office I feel like Jonathan Pryce in the 80's film Brazil.


This office building would have tumbleweeds rolling around the lobby on Saturdays, but since they are round they are banned. I pasted the how-to-get-into-the-building sign on the main entrance, went up the elevator to the sixth floor, visited the curved element in the men's room, and unlocked the Intergroup office. I woke up the hamster that lives in the office computer and got him running on his wheel, took the 24-hour hotline off the night service, and hung the reassuring We're Open! sign on the door. I was prepared for a busy day.

Tick.

Tock.


Tick.



Tock.



I got a few phone calls, but no customers for awhile. The Intergroup office, in addition to administrative chores, stocks books & literature, newsletters, sobriety chips and medallions, jewelry, cult-wear robes, magic wands, and blueprints for Druidic circles for AA members and groups. I bought a book and was reading it when the phone rang.


Here's something I've learned. If someone wants to get sober more than anything else, they will get sober. If someone wants to drink more than anything else, they will drink. Either way, no obstacle will stand in their way if it is something they really want. My caller was a 66-year-old man in Williamsburg. He was afraid he was going to go to the liquor store. He had been sober and relapsed many times. He had lost his wife because of drinking. He was a retired military man and war veteran.


How old was I? Good, he didn't like calling and getting a young person.

How long had I been sober? Good, he didn't like talking to people who got sober the day after the Lord's Last Supper.

Blah blah blah blah blah. It soon became obvious that this man just wanted to talk. Loneliness is a big problem for many active alcoholics, and no wonder. When you act like an asshole, people tend to disengage. I kept steering the conversation back to his problem with alcohol, because on Saturdays the only way a client can get into the building is by calling me from outside and getting me to buzz them in. I asked Mr. Williamsburg if he was looking for a meeting. He was, but not in Williamsburg, because everyone went to the meetings drunk. I had a feeling that everyone meant him.


I suggested a meeting in Richmond, and gave him the directions, telling him that it was at the corner of Monument and Staples Mill. He told me there was no such intersection. I assured him that there was. He said that Staples Mill ended at another street. I told him that I was sure it didn't, because I went to this meeting five days a week. I thought we had settled this, and that he could find the meeting with confidence.


But no, he had to go back there: If you would look a a topographical map, you would see that Staples Mill does not extend to Monument. Well, dang, I must have been driving through peoples' yards for the past year.


"I'll tell you what. You come to the meeting at 4819 Monument Avenue tomorrow, and I'll show you," I replied. He hung up.


It's probably a good thing he did, because Nancy doesn't take any crap on the phone, and I won't either. I try to exert restraint of tongue, so I wouldn't have said anything more than "I understand. I always had to be right, also. But then I realized that I'm human, so I can't always be right, and thinking that I could always be right and then getting frustrated helped me keep drinking." The restraint of tongue would have been not adding "I'll bet these are the kind of stupid arguments you started with your ex-wife, and that's why you're alone now." He probably hung up the phone and made a beeline for the ABC store, thinking "AA is nothing but assholes." As I said, if someone wants to drink, they will drink. At least I got a rueful chuckle, and he got the excuse he needed to drink.


He will drink because it's a bad day. He will drink because it's a good day. He will drink because he is angry or sad, happy or depressed, it's rainy or sunny or windy & cold. Because his wife left him/dog died/truck broke down or his dog left him/truck died/wife broke down. He will seize on any excuse to drink, and blame everyone else for every problem in life as he raises the bottle to his lips. I know this from personal experience.


I am sober today because I want to be sober.


During my morning visits today I found an interesting meme on Lemuel's blog. Here's how it works:

1. Pick up the nearest book (at least 123 pages).
2. Turn to page 123.
3. Find the 5th sentence
4. Post the 5th sentence.
5. Tag 5 people. (I'm not tagging anyone. Do this if it sounds fun to you.)


Okay, can you believe the the first three books I picked up didn't have 123 pages? Maybe it's time for me to put the Dick & Jane books away. Then I tried my mother's 1963 diary. No page numbers, and I didn't feel like doing even simple math. Then I found this:

We would not believe that our adult dreams were often truly childish.

That's from Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, a staple of the Alcoholics Anonymous literature.


* If anyone believes that I really hopped on a unicycle, jump up and grab a thermometer immediately. You may be running a dangerously high temperature. I did long for a unicycle when I was a boy, but my mother would have none of that nonsense. She hated spending time in doctors' waiting rooms when she could be ironing clothes or scrubbing a bathroom floor.

Mini-meme

Or is it MEME? I'm still unfamiliar with a lot of the internet language. Java and cookies sound tasty but they aren't. An entire generation will probably not know what "adobe" really means. I used to see HTML and think "Oh, no! Hate mail!" It's likely that I have deleted a few legitimate messages from friends using hotmail because I thought I was getting spammed by a porn site. Speaking of spam, my grandmother developed an occasional craving for spam sandwiches in her twilight years, just ask my cousin Sheri. Either way, it's a bad thing, and should be outlawed. I've concluded that "meme" means that something is "all about me," but I could be wrong.


In any case, Jen tagged me with a meme, and I'm supposed to tag other people. I'm not going to do that, but here are the friends I would have selected:

• Scott - because I visit his site every day for great quotations on life. He is an accomplished artist, and I'm grateful for his friendship.


• Pam - who has been sober since 1991 and has fun with life's quirks. You should check out the "Conversations with Mama" section on her blog.


• Karen - because of her grace and humor, and because we shared the same mom in different bodies.


• Jean - who has a fascinating mind, and a beautiful soul.


• Dave - because reading his blog is like ordering one of those "surprise boxes" from a catalog; something I always wanted to do when I was a kid, but my parents never let me.

On with the meme...

Five names you like:

Michael

Felix

Timothy

Cosmo

Katharine


Five names you do not like:

Donald

Lester

B.J. (Why, oh why would a parent do this to their child?)

Junior (Ditto. My guess is rampant ego)

Barry (I have my reasons for this one)


Five things you do, or should do, daily:

Drink coffee

Pray and meditate

Go to an AA meeting at dawn

Read my daily blogs

Take a nap


Five stores you like, in person or on-line:

Target

Yoder's Country Market

Sur La Table

Artisan galleries

Local farm produce markets


Five people you would tag:

(see above)


If you'd like to join in, just leave your lists in a comment.


Today marks eleven months of sobriety for me. You did not see me blogging this time last year. One year ago today I was isolated in my home, vomiting daily and shaking uncontrollably until I put more alcohol in my body. Life was very bleak. What a difference these months have made, and it all happened day by day, moment by moment. I'm very grateful to be writing this today, and I thank you for dropping by for awhile.