The other day a fellow I admire asked me when I first knew I was gay. I blurted out something to the effect of "When didn't I?" but I realized that this question still takes me by surprise. It's kind of like someone asking me "Bill, when did you decide that taking regular, rhythmic breaths would be a good idea?" I appreciate the question, though, because it got me thinking. By the way, the guy asking me this is a straight man whose profession relies almost exclusively on empirical evidence. Despite this, he has an engaging curiousity about topics that are not easily explainable, and is open to ideas that many others would consider, frankly, way out in left field. I applaud his inquisitive mind.
I also realized that I am confused by gay men and women who do not come to a comprehension of their own sexuality until later in life. This is because it was not my experience, so I do my best to understand. Some openly gay people shake their heads at these late-bloomers and denigrate them for remaining in the closet so long. I think each person must determine their own path. I do condemn people like Ted Haggard who, because of the demons in their closet, direct pain and hatred at those with the courage to live openly.
Arguments used to rage around the globe about whether the Earth was round or flat. Today most people scoff at the idea of a flat Earth (although The Flat Earth Society existed into this century). Popular opinion, however, holds that our planet is round, and most of us were brought up believing this. We chuckle at the thought of sailing so close to Earth's edge that our ship would fall off. To truly believe that the Earth is flat as a pancake seems ridiculous.
If we are told over and over since a very young age that something is unquestionable, this becomes our truth. The belief is deeply embedded, even if it is incorrect. Few question this belief because it is all we have known. People who believed the world was flat bristled at the concept of a round Earth. Tempers flared, people waved their arms and gesticulated wildly. Others who espoused a round Earth were blasphemers or idiots. It is hard to dislodge a deeply held belief, and the Earth remains flat.
I wonder if this is why some people do not recognize their own attraction to the same sex. The false "truth" is so deeply ingrained that they honestly believe for awhile that they must be heterosexual because any alternative seems just plain wrong. The results of this confused thinking can be harmful to themselves and others. They are faced with the challenge of maintaining the status-quo or trying to accept and explain themselves, when, really, no explanation should be necessary.
I think most heterosexuals would be surprised by the question "When did you first decide you were straight?" The answer might be "I didn't decide anything. I just am." Well, it's the same for me regarding my sexuality: I just am. I didn't have to make a decision about having curly hair, either; it just is. I used to hate my curly hair, and went to silly and extraordinary lengths to straighten it. Now I think my hair is beautiful. And it is.
Can you imagine a society that compelled some to march about waving signs that said "Curly and Proud!" in a quest for acceptance? Well, folks, look around; we live in one.
I also realized that I am confused by gay men and women who do not come to a comprehension of their own sexuality until later in life. This is because it was not my experience, so I do my best to understand. Some openly gay people shake their heads at these late-bloomers and denigrate them for remaining in the closet so long. I think each person must determine their own path. I do condemn people like Ted Haggard who, because of the demons in their closet, direct pain and hatred at those with the courage to live openly.
Arguments used to rage around the globe about whether the Earth was round or flat. Today most people scoff at the idea of a flat Earth (although The Flat Earth Society existed into this century). Popular opinion, however, holds that our planet is round, and most of us were brought up believing this. We chuckle at the thought of sailing so close to Earth's edge that our ship would fall off. To truly believe that the Earth is flat as a pancake seems ridiculous.If we are told over and over since a very young age that something is unquestionable, this becomes our truth. The belief is deeply embedded, even if it is incorrect. Few question this belief because it is all we have known. People who believed the world was flat bristled at the concept of a round Earth. Tempers flared, people waved their arms and gesticulated wildly. Others who espoused a round Earth were blasphemers or idiots. It is hard to dislodge a deeply held belief, and the Earth remains flat.
I wonder if this is why some people do not recognize their own attraction to the same sex. The false "truth" is so deeply ingrained that they honestly believe for awhile that they must be heterosexual because any alternative seems just plain wrong. The results of this confused thinking can be harmful to themselves and others. They are faced with the challenge of maintaining the status-quo or trying to accept and explain themselves, when, really, no explanation should be necessary.
I think most heterosexuals would be surprised by the question "When did you first decide you were straight?" The answer might be "I didn't decide anything. I just am." Well, it's the same for me regarding my sexuality: I just am. I didn't have to make a decision about having curly hair, either; it just is. I used to hate my curly hair, and went to silly and extraordinary lengths to straighten it. Now I think my hair is beautiful. And it is.
Can you imagine a society that compelled some to march about waving signs that said "Curly and Proud!" in a quest for acceptance? Well, folks, look around; we live in one.
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3 comments:
Well as you know I am only coming out now, however I have known that I'm gay since I first understood what gay meant. That was why I never dated any girls, it held the same appeal to me as dating a lawn mower.
Steven.
This is very well said and it exlains a lot to me. I used to wonder that question myself -- and now it seems like such an odd thing to ask someone. Like, when did you know you were right or left handed?
It is so bizarre that sexuality causes so much uproar all over the world--the round world that is. Being gay is all I have known and I never once thought it was wrong since it was the only experience I have had. The human condition is so varied in experience, there are millions of ways to feel and to express ourselves, and millions of influences.
The saddest thing for me is the hatred that exists out there.
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