Buttermilk

Mom started buying real butter when I was seven. I had been very ill and the doctors told her to fatten me up. Believe me, it worked. By 5th grade I was one of the fattest kids in class. Thank Heavens puberty took care of the baby fat.


But I digress. Occasionally, my mother would buy buttermilk for a recipe she was preparing. My dad enjoyed drinking it. "Hmmm," I thought, "I like butter! I think I'll give it a try!"


YUCK!!!


How did my dad get this stuff past his nose? My mother had wisely poured me a small amount in a juice glass, knowing that everything after the first sip was going down the kitchen drain just as surely as the sun rose over Mrs. Ranhorne's house next door every morning.


Now that I bake frequently, buttermilk has become my buddy in the kitchen. Why, you ask? I'll tell you:

• promotes browning of baked goods



• improves texture



• acidic value counteracts chemical reaction of ingredients like blueberries and walnuts, which can give baked goods a grayish cast otherwise



• high in potassium, vitamin B-12, and riboflavin



• 3/4 lower in fat than whole milk (don't let the name "buttermilk" fool you)



• 1/3 less calories than whole milk



• more easily digested than whole milk

Because of the high acidity, buttermilk makes a good marinade for meat, which is why many cooks dip their chicken in it prior to frying. However, because of the acidity, caution should be used when baking because substituting buttermilk for regular milk can mess up the leavening process, especially in recipes calling for baking powder (unless the recipe specifies buttermilk). If you don't have buttermilk, you can substitute plain yogurt in equal measure; you can also add one tablespoon of white vinegar or lemon juice to one cup of whole milk, allowing it to sit for 10 minutes before using. You can smoke a cigarette or put a load of laundry in the washer while you wait. Or both.


Historically, buttermilk is the liquid that was left after churning butter, following the reaction with naturally-occurring airborne bacteria. Sounds yummy, huh? I guess foodstuffs were scarce. I imagine the following conversation:

Prudence: Gak, whither comes that foul odour? Are thee laggardly in laundering thy undergarments, Patience?

Patience: Certainly not, old crone! T'is from this churn it emanates, the very one thou used. Pray, take it down the path and dump it with haste.

Prudence: Nay, my cupboard is nearly bare. Methinks I'll make some biscuits with it.

Patience: Thankful I am not to be invited to thy table tonight. But, stay, I am vexed with my husband. Pour some in my crock and I will make Josiah a squash pye with it.

Well, maybe. You never know. It's like that Internet egg joke that circulates like a comet about the first man who said "I'm going to eat the next thing that falls out of that chicken's butt."

Heard enough about buttermilk? Good, here's a recipe for your forbearance. It's foolproof and so easy you can make it in your sleep. If you make it and don't agree, I'll cheerfully refund your time. You'll need a medium mixing bowl, a small bowl, a 9X13 baking pan, and a big spoon. No mixer required.

Buttermilk Coffeecake
2-1/2 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cup granulated sugar
3/4 cup brown sugar, packed
Pinch of salt
3/4 cup vegetable oil

Combine the above ingredients in the larger bowl. Reserve one cup of this mixture and put it in the smaller bowl for the topping. To the remaining stuff in the larger bowl add:

1 egg
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup buttermilk

Mix and pour into lightly greased and floured baking pan. Sprinkle reserved topping over the batter in small clumps. Bake 25-30 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.

That's it. Easy as falling off a log. Or a cliff. You can add other stuff to the batter like raisins, other spices, shredded autumn leaves, or whatever appeals to you. You can also add nuts or spices to the topping if you can't leave well enough alone.

November is Gratitude Month. It's also the Month of Scott, who will celebrate his 4th anniversary of sobriety on the 18th. I'm grateful to Scott for his humor, his talent with art, and his daily motivational quotations and gratitude list. Visiting him is a good way to start my day, and you can do the same by clicking here.

I'm happy that Harper Lee was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom for her superb "To Kill a Mockingbird," a book I have read and will continue to read time and time again.

There are so many people, places, and things I am thankful for, and I would be remiss if I did not mention that I am grateful that you dropped by my blog today. Please click the comments link below and say "Hello."

The Red Tree, 2007 shown with Scott's permission.