Obnoxious Teens

By and large, my friends & I were fairly tame in our high school years. We didn't drink alcohol or smoke dope. We didn't vandalize people's property. We did, however, engage in pesky pranks from time to time. No animals were harmed in the commission of these acts.

Sometimes the tomfoolery was directed at a friend. Our pal Charlotte, for example, had a part time job at Jack-in-the-Box, and this low-end eatery boasted one of the first drive-thru windows in our area. When we knew that Charlotte was working the window, we'd pull up to the speaker and place a large order. When she had carefully recorded our long list of sub-standard fast food and asked if there would be anything else, we'd scream "...and a Charlotte shake" and scram. The Jack-in-the-Box was near one of the Amphibious Naval Base gates, so large orders were not unusual. Many times I'd choose the shortest line at McDonald's, only to have the sailor ahead of me get to the counter and say "The USS Nimitz would like 500 Big Macs, 389 Quarter Pounders with Cheese, 451 medium Cokes, 403 orange sodas, and 999 French fries. Oh, and 276 hot apple pies."

One day, when we had a snow day from school, Suzanne & I decided to walk over to Fred's house for hot chocolate. Fred lived in another neighborhood, so it was quite a hike through the snow. When we got there no one was home, but we found a back door that was unlocked, so we went in to get warm & rest up for the long walk home. We were also hoping that Fred & his dad would come home, so when they didn't we shoved all the living room furniture into the center of the room and left. Colonel K was not amused, and when he blessed me out on the phone I said coolly "Be glad we didn't take all the labels off your cans. Next time, be home when we want hot chocolate."

One lark sort of backfired on Brenda & me. Four of us had dashed to the beach to "study" after school one afternoon. Brenda and I were getting out of the water, the beach was deserted, and we thought it would be cute to moon our two friends on the beach blanket. We did, but when we turned around, three nuns had materialized out of thin air and were walking between us and our friends. Yes, we had just shown our asses to three stern nuns in their black habits. To this day, I have no idea how those sisters appeared so suddenly on a seemingly empty stretch of sand.

We all spent a lot of time at the mall, and one evening Suzanne pretended to lose a contact lens. We had split up into pairs & singles, and acted like strangers that stopped to help her look. Soon, we had many shoppers helping us, and a security guard even roped off part of the area. Then we all gathered against a far wall to see how long it would take before people figured out that Suzanne had fled the scene.

On another mall adventure, Suzanne & I shoplifted a bottle of Prell shampoo, and surreptitiously dumped it near the intake tube of the mall's fountain. It took several moments, but when the shampoo hit the fountain jets, it was really spectacular. Prell truly was as concentrated as the commercials promised, and they had to shut down the fountain before the bubbles went all over the place.

One of our best capers targeted Krispy Kreme. I think we had two car-loads of friends that night. One of us had a pair of novelty spectacles with battery operated windshield wipers on the lenses. It was between 10 & 11pm, and Elton John was in town for a concert. This was during Mr. John's flamboyant era, and he was known for outrageous costumes that included bizarre eyeglasses.

The doughnut shop was full of old people (you know, people my current age), so Suzanne & I went in first and sat at the counter. Other friends entered in pairs and took seats. We acted like we didn't know each other. Finally, Fred came in wearing the motorized glasses, and sat across from us at the counter.

Suzanne went into a convincing act, asking me and the strangers next to us if that wasn't Elton John that just came in. Other friends "overheard" her and started getting excited. We all agreed that, yes, it was Elton John. Suzanne squealed and ran over to Fred, asking for his autograph, which he graciously provided on a KK napkin. Other customers were all abuzz. I'm not sure how we made our exit, but perhaps Suzanne will remember.

Speaking of Suzanne, below is a little slideshow I assembled from the pictures I snapped at her wedding in October. If you watch it, it is helpful to know that the posed photos of Suzanne in her gown were taken moments before the ceremony. We were in a room adjacent to the assembled friends, family, and groom. Suzanne did not want Brett to see her gown before she walked down the aisle, and her mother kept popping in the door, throwing it wide open. This explains Suzanne's facial expressions in a couple of the shots.