My Ears Are Open and I See Acronyms

Some things I heard lately...

"I don't have to like something to accept it"


"I'm not a 'bad' person trying to get 'good'. I'm a sick person trying to get better."


"When I take risks outside these rooms (AA), I'm finding that people are not to be feared."


"I was not aware of what was wrong with me, but everyone else knew it."


"Even though I have a few years, I can learn from someone who's been in the program for one week," said a man with fourteen years of sobriety.


"I went through life just getting by. Cockiness made me relapse and go back to jail. Now I stay humble and pray for patience."


Tonight I am meeting with two friends from my past that I distanced myself from a few years ago. I will make amends for the things I did in the past. I am eager to take this step. Simply saying I was wrong, and stating the ways I was wrong will be enough; I am not expecting a reconciliation or renewal of our friendship. It is important to me that they know they did nothing wrong to cause me to abandon our friendship. They are wonderful people, and their lives have changed dramatically since I saw them last. I do not play a part in their daily lives, and that is the way it should probably remain. But I think we will all feel better after we meet this evening, and we will be able to greet tomorrow without lingering doubts about the past.

Are you ready for some acronyms? Good!

F.I.N.E.

[I'm] Frustrated, Insecure, Neurotic, Emotional

F.E.A.R.

Face Everything And Recover

N.U.T.S.

Not Using The Steps

E.G.O.

Edging God Out

D.E.N.I.A.L.

Don't Even Notice I Am Lying

H.A.L.T.

[Don't get too] Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired

H.O.P.E.

Happy Our Program Exists

H.O.W.

Honesty, Open-mindedness, Willingness

S.P.O.N.S.O.R.

Sober Person Offering Newcomers Suggestions On Recovery

G.O.D.

Good Orderly Direction

B.I.G. B.O.O.K.

Believing In God Beats Our Old Knowledge

S.L.I.P.

Sobriety Losing Its Priority

A.C.T.I.O.N.

Any Change To Improve Our Nature

P.R.O.G.R.A.M.

People Relying On God Relaying A Message

S.T.E.P.S.

Solutions To Every Problem Sober

K.I.S.S.

Keep It Simple, Sweetheart

How To Be Perfect - ex. 1-3

Example 1

Example 2

Example 3

Things I Heard More Recently

An unseen woman in a crowd said "Do it in my hand."



I heard a man say "I used to try to fill myself with drugs and alcohol, and there was never enough. Now I know that I was spiritually empty, and that only spirituality could fill me."



One morning someone said "If I rely on my willpower instead of God's will, this time I may go to the penitentiary."




In a weekend meeting I heard "The truth will set you free, but it will piss you off first."



I heard a woman say "My family life is chaotic right now, and God reminded me yesterday to keep it simple, and that worked."



A father told me that one Christmas his neighbor helped him put a tricycle together and they got drunk. His 3-year-old daughter woke up Christmas morning to find a half-assembled tricycle under the tree.



I heard a man say "I have two tool boxes. One is filled with party buddies, drugs, and booze. The other one is filled with new friends, sobriety, and spirituality. I have a choice of which one I carry with me."




Someone told me something that made no sense, but sounded perfectly logical to them, and I remembered my existence before I became sober.



I heard my sponsor tell me "Trust God. Be good. Help others."




I heard The Waltz of the Snowflakes, and I was reminded that humans can create beauty as well as chaos.




I heard myself say "Thank you, God."

Things I've Heard Lately

I heard a woman say that she was going to go to the memorial service for a friend. He had arranged everything for the event prior to his death. It will be a large celebration of his life, with many people in attendance. The eulogy will be given by a Catholic priest, and the party will be held at the Holocaust Museum in Washington, D.C. because her friend wanted this to be an international inter-denominational event. Caterers will serve food and a band has been hired. There will be a coffin filled with ice and beer for guests.





A retired businessman told me that he was invited to dinner by his son and his son's partner so that he and his wife could meet his son's new pastor. This man drank so much that he passed out at the dinner table. He had never met the pastor or the pastor's wife before. He felt remorse about embarrassing his son.




When I returned to my table at Karen's Diner this morning to leave a tip I overheard a man saying "Do not judge us for our mistakes; judge us for our love."




This morning I heard a person say "God put these other people in my life for a reason."




A fellow told me that he went to a support group for folks with loved ones who abuse drugs, because his brother is a crack addict. He was introduced to the Jellinek Curve for the first time. As he studied the information handed out, he recognized his own alcoholism which he had been denying.




I heard a man say that sympathy will kill an alcoholic.




A man told me that he had traveled to my city to be pre-screened for a liver transplant. He is hopeful that he will be a viable candidate for this procedure because the disease of alcoholism has destroyed his liver.




I heard a dog whining in fear and confusion, because of the pain from the previous day's surgery. There was nothing I could do that would comfort her. She does not understand that the pain will pass, and that she will be healthier and live longer.




Someone told me that after many years of sobriety they stopped going to meetings and became too busy to pray. They started drinking again because their disease had been waiting patiently all those years for them to become complacent.




I heard a woman in an AA meeting ask me to her home when she found out I would be alone on Thanksgiving.

Daily Life & White Trash

I'm having a good time reading through my mom's 1962 diary. The diary begins on January 6 and I've just finished reading through April. My grandmother brought the diary to my mom when my grandparents came out for an extended visit from Iowa. My dad left the country on a Navy training mission in the Caribbean in mid-January, and I was thrilled when I read of his return on April 30. While he was away teaching men how to blow things up, my mom was a busy gal.

If it grew, she planted, watered, or mowed it. If it stood still, it was scrubbed, scoured, waxed, washed, or scraped clean. My dad called my mom on April 20 to say he would be home on May 5, but then she got a letter from him on the 27th saying his ship would come in on April 30. My mom went into a frenzy of baking and cooking. Windows were cleaned, inside and out. Floors were waxed. Curtains were washed and re-hung. A man was hired to plow the garden in the back yard. My shoes were polished. Mom went up in the attic for a belt for her yellow dress. My mother seemed to clean house every day anyway, so this was truly gilding the lily, but I guess it helped her work off nervous energy. I think I got two coats of wax.

My friend Scott W asked if I remembered any of this, and I don't. I was approaching three years of age. Although I don't have clear memories of these events, the diary evokes feelings and emotions deep down inside. I am truly fortunate to have these daily chronicles. I was loved and cared for, but I like that my mother didn't obsess over me. She had me around all the time and spent time playing with me, but there were lots of things she had to do to keep the household running smoothly by herself. She also spent time nearly every day visiting or hosting friends, who would bring their children to play with me. It seems like a healthy way to grow up.

My earliest conscious memory is more like a snapshot. At some point when I was little I climbed to the top rail of my crib, fell to the floor, and suffered a brain concussion. I'm sure I'll read about this in one of her diaries. I have a memory of being in a crib in the corner of a big room with very high ceilings. There are tall windows across the room, with sunlight streaming in, and other cribs in the room. There is a lady wearing funny clothes (a nun). I am in a children's ward at St. Vincent-DePaul Hospital in Norfolk, Virginia.

Isn't it odd that we don't have vivid memories of the most dramatic phase of our development? We were learning how to move, express our feelings, and interact with our world; we were getting to know our parents or caregivers; we went from the darkness of the womb to the bright colors of the outside world, but we cannot remember these years. Well, at least I can't. Maybe you remember being squeezed through the birth canal. If you have a moment, feel free to leave a comment about your earliest memory at the bottom of this post.

I sure hope I get this damned potty-training accomplished soon. I'm tired of reading that I messed my pants. One Tuesday morning we were visiting a friend and my mother notes matter-of-factly that "Billy wet on the rug & locked the bathroom door." Here's one time that I'm grateful for a cloudy memory. Some days were better than others. Progress, not perfection, right?

Mom is good about noting the price she pays for services. The man that plowed the garden charged $6.00. Nowadays he'd charge more than that to answer the phone. One Monday (Wash Day) the pump broke and the plumber was there from suppertime until 9:30. He installed a new part and the total bill was $10.95. A repair on the car's generator cost $7.00 (I should forward this to the Acura dealer).

If someone asks you what folks did before the Internet, send them straight to my mother's diary. It's all right there in plain language. They took care of their homes. They cooked and baked from scratch. They made a lot of their own clothes. And, most important of all, they spent time with friends and family. They called each other on the phone just to chat. They dropped in on each other for visits over coffee and cookies. They didn't wait for fabulous cruises or fancy dinners at restaurants. They made time in their daily lives to love each other.

I'm looking forward to progressing through 1962 to reach the winter holidays. Meanwhile, in today's world, our holidays are swiftly approaching. In the spirit of eating things that you normally wouldn't, I want to share a recipe before I let you go. A friend that I used to work with brought this to the office a few years ago. We've all had the traditional Party Mix; this recipe is the alter-ego, the Yin to the Yang, Wilma's Betty. The name reflects both its color and nutritional value. But it sure tastes good. Go ahead and indulge. After all, tis the season.

White Trash

1 box Rice Chex
1 large jar dry roasted peanuts
1 box raisins
1 12-oz bag of chocolate chips
1 12-oz bag of peanut butter chips
2 sticks of butter
1 box (16 oz) of powdered sugar

Mix cereal, peanuts, and raisins in a very large bowl or a stockpot.
Melt chips and butter, stirring until smooth.
Pour over cereal mix and stir to coat all pieces.
Sift sugar into a kitchen-size trash bag, add cereal mix, and shake-shake-shake!
Spread mix in a single layer on cookie sheets several hours to dry.
Store in airtight container.

Thanks go to Sherry, my favorite white trash buddy, for this recipe.

Buttermilk

Mom started buying real butter when I was seven. I had been very ill and the doctors told her to fatten me up. Believe me, it worked. By 5th grade I was one of the fattest kids in class. Thank Heavens puberty took care of the baby fat.


But I digress. Occasionally, my mother would buy buttermilk for a recipe she was preparing. My dad enjoyed drinking it. "Hmmm," I thought, "I like butter! I think I'll give it a try!"


YUCK!!!


How did my dad get this stuff past his nose? My mother had wisely poured me a small amount in a juice glass, knowing that everything after the first sip was going down the kitchen drain just as surely as the sun rose over Mrs. Ranhorne's house next door every morning.


Now that I bake frequently, buttermilk has become my buddy in the kitchen. Why, you ask? I'll tell you:

• promotes browning of baked goods



• improves texture



• acidic value counteracts chemical reaction of ingredients like blueberries and walnuts, which can give baked goods a grayish cast otherwise



• high in potassium, vitamin B-12, and riboflavin



• 3/4 lower in fat than whole milk (don't let the name "buttermilk" fool you)



• 1/3 less calories than whole milk



• more easily digested than whole milk

Because of the high acidity, buttermilk makes a good marinade for meat, which is why many cooks dip their chicken in it prior to frying. However, because of the acidity, caution should be used when baking because substituting buttermilk for regular milk can mess up the leavening process, especially in recipes calling for baking powder (unless the recipe specifies buttermilk). If you don't have buttermilk, you can substitute plain yogurt in equal measure; you can also add one tablespoon of white vinegar or lemon juice to one cup of whole milk, allowing it to sit for 10 minutes before using. You can smoke a cigarette or put a load of laundry in the washer while you wait. Or both.


Historically, buttermilk is the liquid that was left after churning butter, following the reaction with naturally-occurring airborne bacteria. Sounds yummy, huh? I guess foodstuffs were scarce. I imagine the following conversation:

Prudence: Gak, whither comes that foul odour? Are thee laggardly in laundering thy undergarments, Patience?

Patience: Certainly not, old crone! T'is from this churn it emanates, the very one thou used. Pray, take it down the path and dump it with haste.

Prudence: Nay, my cupboard is nearly bare. Methinks I'll make some biscuits with it.

Patience: Thankful I am not to be invited to thy table tonight. But, stay, I am vexed with my husband. Pour some in my crock and I will make Josiah a squash pye with it.

Well, maybe. You never know. It's like that Internet egg joke that circulates like a comet about the first man who said "I'm going to eat the next thing that falls out of that chicken's butt."

Heard enough about buttermilk? Good, here's a recipe for your forbearance. It's foolproof and so easy you can make it in your sleep. If you make it and don't agree, I'll cheerfully refund your time. You'll need a medium mixing bowl, a small bowl, a 9X13 baking pan, and a big spoon. No mixer required.

Buttermilk Coffeecake
2-1/2 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cup granulated sugar
3/4 cup brown sugar, packed
Pinch of salt
3/4 cup vegetable oil

Combine the above ingredients in the larger bowl. Reserve one cup of this mixture and put it in the smaller bowl for the topping. To the remaining stuff in the larger bowl add:

1 egg
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup buttermilk

Mix and pour into lightly greased and floured baking pan. Sprinkle reserved topping over the batter in small clumps. Bake 25-30 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.

That's it. Easy as falling off a log. Or a cliff. You can add other stuff to the batter like raisins, other spices, shredded autumn leaves, or whatever appeals to you. You can also add nuts or spices to the topping if you can't leave well enough alone.

November is Gratitude Month. It's also the Month of Scott, who will celebrate his 4th anniversary of sobriety on the 18th. I'm grateful to Scott for his humor, his talent with art, and his daily motivational quotations and gratitude list. Visiting him is a good way to start my day, and you can do the same by clicking here.

I'm happy that Harper Lee was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom for her superb "To Kill a Mockingbird," a book I have read and will continue to read time and time again.

There are so many people, places, and things I am thankful for, and I would be remiss if I did not mention that I am grateful that you dropped by my blog today. Please click the comments link below and say "Hello."

The Red Tree, 2007 shown with Scott's permission.

YAWN - 100 Things About Me

This is a re-post of the list that formerly appeared on my sidebar, reconstituted with chicken stock and expanded from Trial Size to include all 100 things. The sidebar list was taking up too much room over there, and people were missing the funny cat slideshow at the bottom of my blog. Feel free to add your own Travel-Size list in comments.

1. I was born two weeks past my due date; establishing a solid foundation of procrastination.




2. I have a birthmark on my right kneecap.




3. I have owned 7 cars, one through inheritance.




4. I'd rather live in peace than rest in peace.




5. I love learning new words.




6. My oldest, dearest friend lives in Amsterdam.




7. I do not live in Amsterdam.




8. I would like to visit Amsterdam.




9. I avoid yardwork at all costs.




10. I like all animals, but prefer cats to dogs.




11. I pray and meditate daily.




12. I love to read books, but can take or leave most magazines.




13. A friend & I poured a bottle of Prell shampoo in a shopping mall fountain (see #6).




14. I was my senior class chaplain in high school.




15. I love sampling regional foods, like Maid-Rites.




16. I love road trips.




17. I live alone.




18. I type with four fingers (and one thumb).




19. I like old black & white movies.




20. I can raise either eyebrow separately.




21. I like coffee with half & half and Splenda.




22. I like rainy days if I can stay home.




23. My father was 41 when I was born.




24. I have a quick wit.




25. Organized sports confuse me.




26. I do not like to gamble.




27. I hate to hurt people's feelings (see #68).




28. I lived in the same house from birth until college.




29. I had a brain concussion when I was an infant.




30. I am a recovering alcoholic.




31. I am trying to think before I speak.




32. I have trouble with intimate relationships.




33. I enjoy baking.




34. Both of my parents are dead.




35. My current car is ten years old.




36. I was molested by a neighbor when I was five.




37. I know how to change a flat tire.




38. I've lost many good friends because of my alcoholism.




39. I have never had sex with a female.




40. I have been self-sufficient since I was nineteen.




41. My first job was in maintenance at a local department store.




42. I was state champion poetry reader when I was in high school.




43. My first boyfriend happened when I was thirteen.




44. I had a treehouse made out of a washing machine shell.




45. I have broken both arms and one leg.




46. I learned to drive on a 1968 Dodge pick-up truck with 3-on-the-column and power nothing.




47. I have seen a tornado up close.




48. I have no brothers or sisters.




49. I would have an older brother if my mom's first husband hadn't killed him.




50. I used to be afraid of spiders, but now I like them.




51. I believe in God, but I think religion can be dangerous.




52. I hate mysogeny.




53. I know how to swim.




54. I like scary movies.




55. I have been to Gibraltar.




56. I was bitten by a poisonous snake when I was four.




57. I am an early riser.




58. I rented a SmartCar in Spain, and now I want one.




59. I do not like to have dirty hands (see #9; see #37).




60. I have insomnia fairly frequently.




61. I saw fields of sunflowers in Spain as far as the eye could see.




62. I think everyone should read A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole.




63. I do not understand intolerance and bigotry.




64. I beat up a neighborhood bully because he was making fun of someone else.




65. I am a good instructor.




66. My first car was a brand new 1975 Datsun B-210 hatchback (cocoa brown).




67. I do not have cable television or satellite TV.




68. I say the wrong things (see #31).




69. God restored my physical health when I became sober.




70. God & I are working on my mental health now.




71. I am easily distracted.




72. I enjoy being alone.




73. I like being with other people.




74. I do not like crowds.




75. I had a pet raccoon named Jake.




76. I have seen a ghost.




77. I believe most people are "good"...but not all.




78. I like sunrises and sunsets in equal measure.




79. I like a grilled hamburger as much as a steak.




80. I collect pound cake recipes.




81. My kitchen cabinets and drawers are neatly organized.




82. I used to drink gin martinis, shaken vigorously, never stirred.




83. I like documentaries.




84. I like writing.




85. I still have a suede leather coat I got in junior high school, and it fits.




86. I have developed a fear of heights.




87. I have been to the Sagrada Familia in Barcelona (see #86).




88. I enjoy learning about history.




89. I am still astounded that George W. Bush became U.S. President.




90. My partner died with AIDS on October 1 several years ago.




91. I am working hard on my "control" issues.




92. I like taking naps.




93. I love art museums, but get overwhelmed quickly.




94. I like it when the seasons change.




95. The months of October, November, and December used to be difficult for me.




96. I would like to learn another language.




97. I enjoy looking at old family photos (including yours).




98. I used to hate my curly hair; now I like it.




99. I cry easily.




100. I cannot believe I finished this list in one sitting (see #71).